Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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