i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
