We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
