Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
