His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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