What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
