We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
