I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's shark week go big or go home
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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