my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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