it hurts more in the daytime
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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