Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
