I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
