He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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