You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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