my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
