The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
