our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I came so hard my ears popped.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize