My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
