Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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