Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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