What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
