he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
