you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
