Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
