Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
