using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
