Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
