I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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