Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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