I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
