Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
