dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
