and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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