I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
