What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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