Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
