I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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