my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
