don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They took my balls.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
