so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This house was built for laser tag.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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