The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
