So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
