he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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