I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
