The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize