I got chris browned last night
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
