There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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