everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
