I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
