My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
