So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
