The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
