You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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