what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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