There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
