I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
