I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
