I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
