NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
