I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize