God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
