yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
