boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
