Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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